Today, I am thankful for those entertaining storytellers who give us something to smile about.
Abraham Lincoln is remembered for a lot of wonderful things. As the 16th President of the United States, this steadfast, savvy statesman would successfully navigate our young nation through its most trying and tumultuous period. As the Commander-in-Chief of the Union forces during the American Civil War, Lincoln would readily visit the troops on the front lines, where he would lift their down-trodden spirits with a simple handshake, an endearing pat on the back, or a few timely, heartfelt words. Unlike any other politician in history, Lincoln filled his Cabinet with all his political foes, mainly because he wanted to ensure all their disparate viewpoints were carefully considered. He’d write letters to young ones who lost their parents in the deadly conflict, spend countless nights in the telegraph office in Washington hobnobbing with the young clerks, and still found time as a ‘dad’ to join his wife and family on carriage rides along the Potomac. Basically this humble simpleton without much of an education (besides the one he self taught) would commandeer the nation through its most troublesome years.
Yet, despite all his hardships in life as a President, Lincoln had the capacity to make people laugh. He had an uncanny ability to say the right thing at the right time to garner a chuckle from his family, friends, and even opponents. Take, for instance, the time he and Stephen Douglas decided to hold nine separate debates, one in each congressional district of Illinois, to help the General Assembly decide the selection of the next senator to the United States Congress. During one of these ‘Great Debates of 1858’, Lincoln called out Stephen Douglas for his sly approach. While in Clinton, Illinois, on this day (Sept 8), Lincoln responded to Douglas with one of the greatest and most famous quotes of all time: “You can fool all the people some of the time and some of the people all the time, but you cannot fool all the people all the time.” Whether Lincoln actually said these exact words or whether the event actually occurred on September 8 (versus September 2) has been debated by historians for years, but I know Lincoln said it.
How do I know?
Well, Lincoln always had the distinctive skill to recount stories, usually at the most opportune time where a little levity was in order. So widely regarded was Lincoln as a savvy raconteur that some have even written books about his ability to narrate tales. Just when things were getting heated or he wanted to make a critical point, Lincoln would stop the debate and say, in his humble frontiersman way, “Well, that reminds me…” Immediately, folks at the table would lean in to hear what would come next. As we continue our celebration this week of the famous American pioneers who helped cement the American fabric, let me share three wonderful tales Lincoln loved to share.
First, Lincoln had no problem making fun of his humble beginnings and his ‘western’ ways. At one encounter when someone reminded Lincoln that he was nothing more than a commoner from the backwater town of Springfield, Illinois, Lincoln responded with the perfect comeback. Yes, this reminds me of the time a visitor arrived in Springfield to deliver some lectures. Realizing he needed to get the permission of the Illinois Secretary of State, he arranged a meeting with the local statesman. When the secretary asked, “What are your lectures about?”, the visitor proudly responded: “They’re about the second coming of the Lord.” “Well,” said the secretary, “if that’s the case, don’t waste your time. If the Lord’s seen Springfield once, he ain’t coming back."
Another great story Lincoln loved to tell recounts a tale about our nation’s somewhat unusual love of its forefathers. Whenever Lincoln was confronted by someone who’d conger up the lore of the American Revolution, he’d respond. Well, that reminds me about a man I once met who had great veneration for Revolutionary relics. He heard that an old lady in Philadelphia had a dress which she had worn during the Revolutionary War. So, the man naturally travelled afar to pay a visit to this legendary lady. When he arrived, he asked the old madam if she could produce the dress as a satisfaction to his love of aged things. She obliged him by opening a drawer and bringing out the article in question. Starry-eyed and in awe, the relic hunter immediately grasped the dress and kissed it heartily. The practical old lady, rather resenting such foolishness over an old piece of wearing apparel, said, "Stranger, if you want to kiss something old, you had better kiss my ass. It is sixteen years older than that dress.”
Now, my favorite story and probably the most irreverent of them all tells the tale of the courage of the first President. In the White House, Lincoln had a portrait of George Washington hanging in the Oval Office. Whenever someone would reference the eminent General Washington, Lincoln would tell the tale of Ethan Allen. Well, this reminds me about the time Ethan Allen, then a Revolutionary hero after the war, had the occasion to visit England shortly after peace was declared. During this trip, Allen’s British hosts derided the Americans as uneducated castaways whose young nation would soon crumble. They pelted poor Allen with jokes about the sad state of Americans and General Washington in particular. One day, they secured a picture of General Washington, which much to their amusement, they conspicuously hung up in an outhouse that Allen had occasion to use. Well, one morning, they all sat around the breakfast table as Allen came down and went to use the outhouse. When he finished, he joined them for the morning repast, making no mention of the art hanging in the outhouse. Though he couldn’t have missed this painting, Allen never mentioned it. Eventually, the Brits asked if he’d spotted Washington’s likeness in the privy. Nonchalantly, Allen responded that he had, making no further mention of it. When the Brits again laughingly inquired of Allen if he felt this was an appropriate place for the portrait of the austere General, Allen responded: “Oh, yes indeed, it was a very appropriate place for an Englishman to keep it. The way I see it, there is nothing that will make an Englishman sh*t so quick as the sight of General Washington.”
Yes, Lincoln was not just a great president - he was an amazing story teller. Today, I pay tribute to the American legend who reminds us that nothing helps defuse a heated situation better than a well-told story with a timely punch line.
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